Electrical Blog
From an American point of view, trying to understand your Russian love can be difficult. American men often times find the first few years of marriage with their Russian love confusing to no end. Understanding Russian women and their upbringing is a good start to keeping the culture clashes at a minimum. Russian women have a beauty and way about them that is not only alluring to men, but also makes them very different to what American men are use to. These differences can cause major problems in a relationship. Read on to understand some of the differences you may encounter.
Issues between Russian American relationships often have to do with how money is viewed in Russia and how it is viewed in the U.S.A. It is often hard to understand Russian mentality, especially when it comes to money, and Russian relationships but I will try to do my best to explain their attitudes towards it.
It is true that when you marry a Russian woman you often marry her family as well. Not just her child or children, but her parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles. So if they run into any financial difficulties, it means you do as well. No one is going to force you to support your wife’s relatives if there is a need, but since Russians have very strong family ties, it is usually expected that family members which are more fortunate help out those who are in trouble. It is all a part of Russian relationships and caring about a Russian woman.
American culture encourages and praises individualism, while Russian culture discourages it. It is considered to be “natural” and “human” to help each other with money and you can be sure that if you were the one in need, you will not be left alone with your problems.
The same goes for friends (“friends” in Russian definition of course). In Russia it is a natural thing to give out money and allow someone to pay you back interest free. A Russian friend of mine was shocked when her husband’s wealthy cousin (who was also a friend) gave them 2 thousands of dollars and charged interest. The money was borrowed to cover some medical bill, not to go to Vegas and get wild. “How can a relative be so cruel,” my friend said. “is money more important than family and friendship?”. She couldn’t understand it and what was even more shocking for her is her husband praising his friend for being “so helpful’ during the hard times.
Actually in the Russian language there is only one word for “lend” and “borrow”.
If you are so luck to have dinner with a Russian couple you can be sure the conversation of money will come up. It is quite common for a Russian couple to ask you how much you make or how much you spent on your house or new car. It is conversation that is accepted with open arms in Russia and odd if the questions are not brought up during the meal. If you do not respond or try to change the subject your Russian counterparts will not understand why or even find it rude that you did not answer their questions on your finances..
Russians don’t understand why many Americans don’t travel and don’t enjoy life until they retire. “I don’t know if I live this long”,- they often say. “And I don’t think traveling when you are old with a bunch of medical conditions is a good idea. When you are old you are supposed to watch your grandkids, not travel.”
Most Russians go on vacation every year. They work hard, but they know how to slow down, relax and enjoy life. Even if they are struggling financially they will find a place to go and get away. “Why work if you don’t have time to enjoy your life and spend the money you earn,” they often wonder.
Russian do not worry about retirements like Americans worry. Since the cost to live in not high and medical care is basically free, it leaves little to truly worry about. Another plus for older Russians is their children. Russian are expected to care for their parents as they get old. Nursing homes are virtually non existent in Russia.
Russian have a fear of falling into debt and they can’t understand why Americans are putting money away for their retirement accounts which they cannot touch for 20-30 years when they are in debt (yes, mortgage is debt too) up to their ears right now.
Money issues are not the only thing that may come up, but for some reason they seem to be the most frequent. Eventually you will start understanding Russian mentality even if you may not agree with it, but I bet that in the beginning of your relationship you both will raise your eyebrows quite a few times.
Tags: k1 fiance visa, Marriage, Russian Love, Russian relationships, Russian women
Posted in Relationships · June 19th, 2010 · Comments (0)
Culture is very subjective, so don’t think your Russian love is uncultured simply because she does or does not do something the way you expect her to. The truth is since Russian culture differs from American, your Russian love probably thinks you are somewhat uncultured as well.
A lot of Russian women, even after making the trip over on a K1 Fiance Visa and living in the United States for a while have difficulties with small talk. Now this has nothing to do with coming over on a K1 Fiance Visa or having difficulty with English. Small talk is lost in Russian Culture. Russians do not understand it and find it lacking in substance. I can’t ask strangers or people I barely know how they are doing simply because I don’t care and I don’t want to be fake.
Russian women embrace their culture. Put it out of your mind that you are going to be able to change your Russian woman. Russian women are unique and will not change their culture for anyone. Accept her and love her for who she is and not what you want to make her into.
Also, why ask if they are not going to tell you the truth anyway? I (as well as most of my Russian friends) have trouble responding to “how are you” question as well. I can’t say “I am fine” if I am really not, so I always have an urge to start telling the person what is going on with my life. Appearing rude is and not responding at all is not what I want to do, but it is difficult for me to say anything, so I side step the question and just say hello. There are those that probably think I am being mean or ignoring them on purpose, but I am really not trying to be rude
Writing a thank-you note is not part of Russian culture. Some may find it rude that a Russian would not write a thank-you note. But they always wish each other “Pleasant Appetite” before meals and they think it is rude when the others don’t.
Russians often complain that Americans put their feet on tables and often put their feet on the seat in front of them at the movies. When I was in school we had a group of exchange students from U.S. come to our school. A good friend of mine was hosting one of the students and decided to take her to movies one day. She said she almost died from the embarrassment when the girl put her feet on the chair in front of her. My friend didn’t know how to politely ask her to stop doing it, so she was praying her guest would take the feet off or that nobody would make any snotty comments (they did, by the way).
Putting your feet on a table or on somebody’s chair is a big no-no in Russian culture. I personally was shocked when American students took extra chairs in class to put their feet on them. This is very disrespectful not only to the teacher but to other students as well.
Students from Russia would never eat food in front of their professor and would also come dressed for an exam. Wearing jeans, sweatshirt or sneakers to your exam is unacceptable, because Russians believe that by dressing nicely you show your respect and appreciation to your professor.
Another issue which often pops up in Russian-American relationships is shoes in the house. Russians never wear shoes in the house, only slippers and they consider it rude when their guests don’t take their shoes off. Many Americans think it is unnecessary, but Russians are afraid of germs and dirt in the house, so unless you want to be considered rude and uncultured, please take your shoes off.
Russians find Westerners who sit on the floor to be bad mannered and also find it being a bad habit. There is a belief that sitting on the floor can pause a number of pelvic problems in women. Besides, Russians think it is just simply “unethical”. Don’t ask me, why.
Almost every intercultural couple has culture clashes and misunderstandings, so be prepared for them. To minimize the damage, take your shoes off in the house; don’t put your feet on the table and don’t wear ugly clothes when you and your Russian wife go out.
Tags: k1 fiance visa, Marriage, Russian Love, Russian relationships, Russian women
Posted in Relationships · May 11th, 2010 · Comments (0)