Electrical Blog
From an American point of view, trying to understand your Russian love can be difficult. American men often times find the first few years of marriage with their Russian love confusing to no end. Understanding Russian women and their upbringing is a good start to keeping the culture clashes at a minimum. Russian women have a beauty and way about them that is not only alluring to men, but also makes them very different to what American men are use to. These differences can cause major problems in a relationship. Read on to understand some of the differences you may encounter.
Issues between Russian American relationships often have to do with how money is viewed in Russia and how it is viewed in the U.S.A. It is often hard to understand Russian mentality, especially when it comes to money, and Russian relationships but I will try to do my best to explain their attitudes towards it.
It is true that when you marry a Russian woman you often marry her family as well. Not just her child or children, but her parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles. So if they run into any financial difficulties, it means you do as well. No one is going to force you to support your wife’s relatives if there is a need, but since Russians have very strong family ties, it is usually expected that family members which are more fortunate help out those who are in trouble. It is all a part of Russian relationships and caring about a Russian woman.
American culture encourages and praises individualism, while Russian culture discourages it. It is considered to be “natural” and “human” to help each other with money and you can be sure that if you were the one in need, you will not be left alone with your problems.
The same goes for friends (“friends” in Russian definition of course). In Russia it is a natural thing to give out money and allow someone to pay you back interest free. A Russian friend of mine was shocked when her husband’s wealthy cousin (who was also a friend) gave them 2 thousands of dollars and charged interest. The money was borrowed to cover some medical bill, not to go to Vegas and get wild. “How can a relative be so cruel,” my friend said. “is money more important than family and friendship?”. She couldn’t understand it and what was even more shocking for her is her husband praising his friend for being “so helpful’ during the hard times.
Actually in the Russian language there is only one word for “lend” and “borrow”.
If you are so luck to have dinner with a Russian couple you can be sure the conversation of money will come up. It is quite common for a Russian couple to ask you how much you make or how much you spent on your house or new car. It is conversation that is accepted with open arms in Russia and odd if the questions are not brought up during the meal. If you do not respond or try to change the subject your Russian counterparts will not understand why or even find it rude that you did not answer their questions on your finances..
Russians don’t understand why many Americans don’t travel and don’t enjoy life until they retire. “I don’t know if I live this long”,- they often say. “And I don’t think traveling when you are old with a bunch of medical conditions is a good idea. When you are old you are supposed to watch your grandkids, not travel.”
Most Russians go on vacation every year. They work hard, but they know how to slow down, relax and enjoy life. Even if they are struggling financially they will find a place to go and get away. “Why work if you don’t have time to enjoy your life and spend the money you earn,” they often wonder.
Russian do not worry about retirements like Americans worry. Since the cost to live in not high and medical care is basically free, it leaves little to truly worry about. Another plus for older Russians is their children. Russian are expected to care for their parents as they get old. Nursing homes are virtually non existent in Russia.
Russian have a fear of falling into debt and they can’t understand why Americans are putting money away for their retirement accounts which they cannot touch for 20-30 years when they are in debt (yes, mortgage is debt too) up to their ears right now.
Money issues are not the only thing that may come up, but for some reason they seem to be the most frequent. Eventually you will start understanding Russian mentality even if you may not agree with it, but I bet that in the beginning of your relationship you both will raise your eyebrows quite a few times.
Tags: k1 fiance visa, Marriage, Russian Love, Russian relationships, Russian women
Posted in Relationships · June 19th, 2010 · Comments (0)
Divorce is not longer a background issue for people getting married or who are married with the rates of splitting up skyrocketing due to many factors in our changing culture and social structures. Instead it is something always there as a shadow in their thoughts as they are bombarded with celebrities divorcing and media statistics that sow doubt and fear but do make people think how can I save my marriage before it becomes too late as they know where the road of marital problems can lead for half of married couples.
Another problem you may face trying to save your marriage is the belief that you are the only one trying and that no matter what you do it is being sabotaged by your partner who does not put the effort in or seems to deliberately make things worse. The strain on your life, health, work and happiness because of this can be devastating making the task harder and harder and many people simply give up and go with the flow without thinking or trying anymore perhaps also thinking it is a foregone conclusion; this is not always the case as you can save your marriage!
When you look at the strongest happiest marriages what is it you see? Commitment, compatibility, stability? All these things and more may be true but none of them can exist in a vacuum because commitment can be a miserable thing is you are not compatible and compatibility without commitment leads to infidelity or a slide into a situation you feel like friends but not partner and lovers. It is my belief that all the good things in a marriage come from one concept and one word that can be greatly misunderstood: Love.
Now most people DO love their spouse but the commitment to love and making it grow day by day can be forgotten or taken for granted. This leads to the real issues of happiness, contentment and passion being obscured by petty issues that become a surrogate method of releasing frustration in a marriage. Not that all arguments are about petty things but with an attitude of being in love even the difficult situations can be overcome together and this then becomes an issue very closely tied to love which is communication.
When you ask ‘can I save my marriage’ what you really mean is can I communicate my love to my partner and solve the problems that inhibit a loving relationship. This is all about methods of communication which are skills that can be very difficult to develop but when put in place can provide amazing results in defusing hostility, getting the core of a problem and then solving it which then solves the surface issues as well.
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Tags: Marriage
Posted in Marriage · May 24th, 2010 · Comments (0)